Warm Snow
by lazy fat kitsune
Summary: Because snow is not supposed to be warm. And it is ironic that the snow would be desperately trying to warm him.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is nuts, i tell you, nuts! Ugh...it's been collecting dust bytes in my hard drive anyways, so...argh...just read it!**_

_**Warm Snow**_

He is still going on, living his life as usual. That is a good thing, is it not? Then why does a part of me feel so…pained? These thoughts are horrible, and I feel disgusted with myself for, for hoping to see him break down. It is not as if he would crawl back to me and profess his undying love. It would most probably the other way round, although I had told myself that I am giving up, just like everyone wanted me to.

Yet, sitting on the cold ground, leaning against the park railing, I am forced to accept the truth. That in my heart of hearts, I wanted him to walk by, just like the first time we met, and criticize the naïve words I wrote on a crumpled piece of paper. Denial weakened. I still love him so. It hurts, and I am reveling in the pain of it all.

What he had said, what those ending lines were, I had long forgotten. But I could remember so clearly, cool golden eyes that remain as expressionless as ever, and I knew. I am not to be the one to break his barriers or warm his heart.

Parting words are cruel, and Fate even more so, for now they threw snow around me. His name and snow, all the same, cold and unforgiving, uncaring.

He once called me masochistic. Perhaps I am, because now he is at peace and it seems like I am the only one hurting. But all I wanted was to try and heal him. it was not for some selfish reason! And all I received in the end is just a lighter withthe photo club stickeron it, thrown into my face.

I was so blind. I am happy with him, but he is better off without me in his cold routine-like life.

Cold. Even the flicker of warmth from the small fire of the lighter will never banish the freezing wind and snow landing softly into my heart. Snow clung onto me, the way he never would. I should be throwing the lighter away. But it was my last reminder, a solid memory of him.

The small fire seemed more fragile now; perhaps the fuel it needed was finishing. But my free hand circled around it like a moth seeking for warmth that had never been there in the first place. And suddenly I feel so exhausted, so tired. Maybe I should be getting a little rest.

The fire flickered and died. It feels like something, but what is it? I'm tired. When I get back, I must remember to pick up the lighter from the floor beside me.

It seems darker now. Why? I thought it should be approaching dawn. That means I did not sleep again. But it is so cold. Maybe I should go home. Where is home? No, I'll just rest a bit here. Too tired to move.

I just wish those voices would stop, though. What do they want now? Why are these familiar hands shaking me? They are calling someone, I wonder who. Is it me? But what is my name? These hands are frantic now. Why? They were never like this before. How do I know? Whose hands are these? I am supposed to know. He had blond hair. Who is it? What is the colour of his eyes? He must be beautiful.

Now it is more comfortable. I feel warmer, too. Should have asked for a hug ealier. Wait, that beautiful voice…he said something. He loves someone. Maybe it is me, hopefully.

Wish the snow would stop melting on me. It is warm, like this embrace, but I do not like it. Or maybe he is crying. Should I comfort him? but what is his name? I do not know, can't remember. Wait…his name…meant something cold, like snow. But he is warm.

It can't be Yuki.

Because he is…warm…

* * *

**_As is obvious, it is intended to be in Shuichi's POV. How was it? _**

**_(wags non existent tail)_**

**_Uh-huh, i feel accomplished. _**

**_CCs are welcomed. _**


	2. What Is To Be Left Behind

**_Gravitation ain't not mine na no da. _**

* * *

**_What Is To Be Left Behind_**

"Do you have any idea where he could have gone to? I can't get through to his cell phone! I've been trying for hours!" Hiro-kun's normally calm voice holds a certain level of panic and it instills a kindling cold fear within me.

"Ever since we broke off, I have not contacted him. How would I know?" Surprisingly my voice remains cool and composed despite the worm of slight worry working its way through my stomach.

"You know him best! You should know! God, Yuki Eiri, you should be worried. He's not happy without you! He doesn't eat, doesn't sleep. He doesn't even cry! You goddamn fucking bastard! This is all your fault!"

Beyond tears. Is that it? For someone as emotional as Shuichi who cries at the drop of a hat, to be rendered to such a state. Would he not have been better off without me? Why would he be sad about leaving me? More so…gods, what would he do? What if he tries something stupid?

"Damnit, say something!"

In a detached sort of way, I can hear my strained reply. "I'll go look for him."  
Grabbing my coat, I rush down the stairs, instead of waiting for the elevator, and into cold air.

It is damn cold. Where could he have gone to? It is starting to snow as well. Knowing the brat…no, knowing Shuichi, he probably forgot to bring his coat out with him. The thought that he might be freezing somewhere out there or involved in an accident or worse makes my heart ache. I never want him to suffer. Not like this. I just thought he would be better of without me.

"Then you're wrong. He's happiest when with you, no matter what you do or say to him." I must have said that last thought aloud. "Nakano, what are you doing here?"

"Finding for Shu. Think. You must know where he would go." Suddenly, I remember the first time we met. The park. When I went to find for him at Hiroshi's indirect request. The park. When he is depressed, he always end up at… "The park. He must be there."

In the flurrying snow, I manage to see a huddled figure against the railing. Relief coupled with dread hit me full force as my feet carry me to him, shouting his name. He did not move, and I suddenly notice the lighter beside him. He still kept it, even after I threw it in his face with harsh words and slammed the door upon him, when he could have, should have thrown it away. He still loves me even after….gods, what the hell have I done to him?

"Don't sleep, Shu! Wake up!" I am helpless, helpless to do anything but call for him and shake him in such a pathetic attempt to wake him. Dimly, I can hear Hiro-kun's pleading for him to keep awake, but nothing register in my mind except his cold skin upon my warm hands.

Damnit, it is supposed to be the other way round. He is supposed to be warm. Not lying limply like this, not with near blue lips. Somehow I find my arms encircling his slender body an ironic attempt to warm him.

"I can't lose you, Shuichi. Please, I need you." Why, why is he so cold? I can't lose him, not like this. "Gods, please don't leave me. I need you, need you, need you. Shuichi…I love you. Please wake up…" Distantly I can feel tears falling from my blurred vision but nothing matters anymore. Not when his body is co cold but his soft smile warmer than my dying heart as he calls my name with such love. His eyes close and his body fall limp, still in my desperate embrace.

* * *

Author's note :  
Technically I had the urge to write this for a long time, but never quite got around to doing it because I feel mildly awkward writing in Yuki's POV. The reason why I wrote this is because I found the 'perfect ending' for it, or my version of 'perfect ending' for this. So yes, this is where it really ends. What happens, whether Shuichi dies or not is entirely up to your own interpretation.  
I apologise for any tenses mistake I made during this. I'll find a beta soon. Give me time. In the meantime, please drop a line, and do correct me for any mistakes I made.  
Thanks! 


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